lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
