Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I could fuck to npr.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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