you have to choose: penises or morals?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
