i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
