Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
