I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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