just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
