Say something about gay babies.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
