drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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