I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Randomize
