so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
