what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
