So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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