He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
