i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize