Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
