He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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