I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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