dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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