You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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