Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
