He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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