When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
