She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize