this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
