My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
