so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
