You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
