you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
