Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
