I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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