Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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