Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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