You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
