I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just gargled with NyQuil
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
