someone owes me an orgasm
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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