Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
