I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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