just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
