It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
