Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
