Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
