He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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