At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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