so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
