Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
