got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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