I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
