After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
