Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
