I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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