omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
