.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
