So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
