something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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