that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
