I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
