I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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