hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
