Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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