Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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