hotel room ftw
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
