If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I supernannyed him into submission
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
