Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize