Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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