you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
