do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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