I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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