Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
