He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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