dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
