I want to have your abortion
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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