I think my fart just growled at me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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