can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize