Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
