I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh god the rape fog is back!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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